


Within My Mind

by Mary_Jane221B



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mind Palace, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 12:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2508563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mary_Jane221B/pseuds/Mary_Jane221B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'For you my dear John I would play that ridiculous song about stars'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Within My Mind

I miss tea today, your tea in particular. I have tried many teas, brewed by many hands and yet yours always taste the best. I miss the sound of your voice and the warmth of your breath as you lean too close over my shoulder while reading case notes, I miss the snort you make when you think something is amusing, the way you mouth the sound ‘ah’ when I have made a point I believe is infuriating and you see as normal, that is very annoying by the way John you should stop immediately, except I think I would miss it if you did, so I believe you should not stop, you should continue to do all the things I enjoy and you should stop with the rest of the nonsense, all this clinic business and dating women. Honestly John.

You rely on the lessons your father taught you and the fear he instilled, I am working on that, do not worry John I will find a method of stopping those nightmares, the ones about Afghanistan are different, those I fear you may always have, the reality of war John, the reality of war, but the fear one man instils can be combated. You will see, in time John, in time. 

I believe I will change the tempo of my violin music this evening, perhaps it will help you sleep better, you tend to prefer music you were exposed to as a child, so we are looking at the more common classical compositions but no matter, for you my dear John I would play that ridiculous song about stars, the one insipid humans sing to children to make them sleep, but if it would help you John, If it would help you, I would.

You will come home soon, you left for some reason, left a note of the refrigerator reminding me we needed milk, as if I would buy milk, Mrs. Hudson will buy milk, perhaps, or you, you always buy milk. I do not know why you insist on leaving those notes, you put them on luminous paper as well John, bright pink, it is a hideous colour, I want to remove it but if I do so you will know I have seen the note and disregarded it, you will get in a mood then as you often do and complain, you complain too much, have you noticed, it is dull John, I will not allow you to be dull.

You should never be dull. I do not believe you will ever be dull to me John, but I must say you choose to do the dullest things sometimes, it enrages me. You have the potential for great things John and yet you insist on these foolish pursuits, the relationship with your sister for one thing. She will never change John, you want her to, you want for her to come to you and beg for your help in her recovery from addiction but it will never happen John, you love too much for her to come to you, you love too much.  Your heart is too big and her addiction is too well placed. Your family has a pre-existing leaning towards addiction John, it takes a great strength of character to combat it and that is where you, my Dear John, differ in deed.

Where your sister has weakness you have strength, where I have weakness you have strength. You are so very strong John.

I have missed you today, I have missed your presence in our small home, in these rooms you fill with light, come home.

It is nearly five; I can see that, the sun is in the correct position, not to mention you have fixed the small clock on the bookcase again, well done John. I should move off the sofa, you complain about that too. Perhaps I should make tea, you would like that. But John I have missed your tea. So no I wont make tea. I will play for you then.

I can see you now from my position by the window, you have stopped to talk to two men coming out of the house next door, why stop John when I am waiting, and just for that I am playing Bach. You are moving again, very good John, door downstairs opens, you have left it open, why? It is closed again. Your steps are heavier on the stairs than normal, I have missed something, what was it, you always insist on opening the door quietly when I am playing, believing I am lost in the music when in fact I am lost in you, your existence John, lost in it, at least between cases. You are moving quietly, towards the kitchen, you put something heavy on the side, there is the slight sound of plastic, you have been shopping then, see John you always buy milk.

It has been too long since I have heard your voice John; you best not keep me waiting.

***

The music stops abruptly. John turns to see Sherlock flicking his bow lightly through the air.

He clears his throat, “Tea?”


End file.
